I’ve been living with Fibromyalgia for about four years now. It brings with it a host of unpleasant symptoms, many of them painful but the one that causes me the most emotional discomfort is the brain fog.
The writing below was written at a time when I was feeling the affects of brain/fibro fog quite badly. Although it is always there and I’m aware of it every day, it doesn’t always feel this bad. Creativity is my main way of understanding and communicating my experiences, so here’s some writing and art on what it feels like to have brain fog.
When Thoughts Tangle And Thinking Hurts
I used to think in sentences, proper sentences. Like how we speak. But now my thoughts are never straight or ordered or still. They don't patiently wait their turn or cooperate with one another. Perhaps they bore too easily. Most of the time they fade away before I can really grasp hold of them. They are hard to piece together, sometimes impossible to hold onto. Some days are worse than others, when my thoughts are even more fragile like fraying fabric too loosely woven. They feel hideously light, always moving around by a constantly swirling breeze blowing through my brain. These thoughts I'm trying to tell you about. They are my thinking, the part of my brain that I need to use when I talk to others, learn something new, follow instructions, attempt a new recipe, do something as simple as write and send an email, make decisions, focus on information or retrieve memories. It makes doing these things tiring, frustrating and sometimes impossible. This is brain fog. This is all the time. This is just one way which Fibromyalgia affects me.